Rachel Dubrow, LCSW
How to: Avoid Resenting Your Partner
I've been hearing lots of clients talk about all the fun things they're planning now that Covid restrictions are lifted. What I'm also hearing is the ways resentment is popping up in conversations.
Today's blog focuses on 3 things you can do to avoid resenting your partner so you can enjoy each other's company and live life to the fullest together.
Tip #1: Have a Sunday Sit-down. This is a time where you sit down with your partner and figure out the logistics for the week. Talk about what's going on with your schedule, figure out what chores or tasks need to get accomplished and work from the "divide and conquer" mentality. Knowing you have a dedicated time to talk will help mitigate the "I wish you would..." types of thoughts that often pair up with feelings of resentment.
Tip #2: Ask yourself "What is important to me?" and share it with your partner. We all like to make assumptions (me, too!). And, while assumptions help in certain situations, this isn't one of them. So, if you had to come up with 1-2 things (tasks, chores, decisions to make) that are the most important to you, what are they? Then, take those 1-2 things and ask your partner.
Tip #3: Know what you're good at - and what you aren't. Let's face it, if someone asked me to pack a trunk full of luggage, I would not be anyone's top choice. I'm just not spacial like that and my partner certainly knows that. Likewise, I'm sure there are things that you're great and and things that you'd prefer to avoid doing if at all possible. Are you a list maker? Are you great at following directions? Are you the go-to for something specific at home? Think about those things and share it with your partner.
The overarching idea here is to be realistic with yourself and set attainable goals together as a couple. Remember that your partner doesn't know what they don't know if you don't tell them. Keep that in mind that communication is the key to making relationships work and the 3 tips above are specifically designed to help you prevent feelings of resentment if at all possible.
If you're interested in an individualized approach to communication and problem solving, contact us. We can help!